Many people -especially men- think that other people -namely single women- idealize and idolize the men of Jane Austen. Women sigh when they read the romantic and angst filled proposals in the books. The themes and story lines of Austen’s books have been made into hundreds of film adaptations and spin-off books that appeal to generation after generation. We can quote the romantic lines (“If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.”). And Mr. Darcy is revered as the epitome of every woman’s fantasy, right?
As a book club, we have decided to explore the topic of the men of Austin a little further. What is the appeal, after all? And as Christian women seeking our future spouses (our caro sposo, right ladies? J ), what is it that we can learn from the virtue (or lack thereof) of Austin’s fictional men? Here’s a look at what we saw in Mr. George Knightley that we found honorable and desirable in a good man.
· Mr. Knightley is marriage-minded. Long before he had discovered his feelings about Emma, or even openly expressed a desire for marriage, his comments and actions convey respect for Holy Matrimony. The tone he uses in speaking of the marriages of Mr. and Mrs. Weston and of his brother and sister-in-law show his understanding of the importance of the vocation. He hints an innate knowledge of the complementary design of husbands and wives and the Heavenly designed roles of the spouses. He also shows deep respect for the wife he can’t even name yet, except as Mrs. Knightley. “There is but one married woman in the world whom I can ever allow to invite what guests she pleases to Donwell, and that one is…Mrs. Knightley; and, till she is in being, I will manage such matters myself.” His behavior sets a model for men discerning marriage to be considering the needs of a future wife, observing and learning from strong marriages, and praying for the woman who will one day become his bride.
· Mr. Knightley is genuinely kind. Don’t confuse this with the “nice” guy we all brush off. He is kind to all, even those beneath his social standing. He cares about the needs of the people in Highbury, as evident by him hearing and addressing their needs routinely. He gives generously. This is not a weak niceness, but a real mindset of kindness and Christ-like love that he extends to all he meets.
· Mr. Knightley is honest with everyone, but especially to those close to him. He is not afraid to call Emma out on her mistakes and hold her accountable to moral behavior. Too often we allow those nearest to us to dwell in sin without fraternally correcting them, but Mr. Knightley sees a need and challenges Emma. A primary goal of marriage should be to help the other grow in holiness, and this cannot happen without loving, appropriate, and sometimes brutal honesty.
· Mr. Knightley is a man of integrity. Unlike some of the other male characters in the book, he doesn’t play games with dialog, emotions, or social graces. He is an upright citizen, living out his high station, but does not take advantage of his position. He never uses people or finds humor at the expense of others. Good men like this inspire charity, compassion, and truth.
· Mr. Knighley shows strength. He despises Frank Churchill’s weakness. “I can allow for the fears of the child, but not of the man. As he became rational, he ought to of roused himself, and shaken off all that was unworthy…” He abhors this lack of strength in a fellow man, and continually shows evidence of his own strength through both actions and words.
· Mr. Knightley delights in children. He clearly cares for his nephews and nieces, seeks out time to spend with them, and naturally plays with them. He and Emma together take charge of their nephews when they are visiting. He and Emma have conversations over baby Emma Knightley and Anna Weston about their virtues and futures. He has fatherhood written on his heart, and lives it out.
· Mr. Knightley is a leader. Others seek him out for advice and needs, like Robert Martin did during his pursuit of Harriet Smith. He is looked to for wisdom, as well as for the tone to be set in social situations. His leadership skills make him not only a man to be looked up to in the general public, but a man whose headship in his own home would be something not taken lightly.
· Mr. Knightley is humble. Although always showing the grace of his station, he didn’t put on false airs. He often walked to social engagements, to the point that Emma commented that she was glad to see him finally acting like a gentleman when he arrived at a location in his carriage. Mr. Knightley understood that gentlemanly behavior has little to do with those pretenses, but with a quiet strength that acknowledges the inherent dignity in each person he happens to meet.
· Mr. Knightley is relational. As evident through many of his other qualities, he cares about the people around him. He also understands the value of relationships, and that they need to be built. A woman’s heart is relational to the core, and he seems to understand this when he intentionally gets to know Harriet better simply because she is important to Emma. The message is that what is important to her has become a priority for him. That speaks volumes.
· Mr. Knightley is a man of action. When he finally admits to himself that he loves Emma, he pursues her despite the obstacles and possible failure. He fears his own passivity more than her potential rejection.
· Mr. Knightley desired one-ness in important relationships. When he broke the news of the Martin/Smith engagement to Emma, he said that it was the one thing that they differed in opinion about, and that he hoped it would soon change. In a true marriage, the two should desire to become one in every possible way- not to be narrowly single-minded, but to be so alike in pursuit of God’s will that each are working towards the same mission together, supporting and encouraging each other.
· Mr. Knightley shows self sacrifice. After his proposal to Emma, he is willing to give up his own home primarily for the comfort of her father. A good man knows that he is called to lay down his life, just as Christ laid down his life for His Bride, the Church. The self sacrificial love evident by both partners in a holy marriage is fruitful and life-giving, and Mr. Knightley exhibits this trait.
Quite a list when you put all in one place- but we have to remember these traits were found all in a fictional character. Rather than hold any man to a ridiculously high standard, let us pray for these virtues to flourish in men everywhere in our society, and specifically in those men whom God has designed for our own hearts.
-Katie
:) Well done!! What you said is completely right!
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